Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
