god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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