just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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