On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This baby is an asshole
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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