I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
