She is in my trunk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
home. puking in laundry basket.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
