The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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