therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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