I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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