Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
