So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
