Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize