I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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