No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
