if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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