sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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