Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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