FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
