do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
