my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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