You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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