I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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