life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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