Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
