Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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