at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
