Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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