I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
