Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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