I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize