Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
