I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
