I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Randomize
