if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
