oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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