Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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