My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
