all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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