Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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