I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
