Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is Oprah even human
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize