i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
