dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
