i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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