fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
