Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize