i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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