It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
