So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
