I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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