Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
