Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
