White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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