I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
