5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize
