i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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