My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize