More tranny stories later!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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