Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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