we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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