You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
