party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
