Need sex. Gaining weight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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