I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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