I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
