We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
