Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
