Even water is tasting like jack daniels
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
