speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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