he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
