tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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