I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we're making bets on your personal life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
