So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
