ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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