I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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