I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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