Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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