I'm lost and stupid without you.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
