There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
