ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
