he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize