chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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